Welcome once again, three dimensional carbonforms.  It is I, Kathu, your future, current, and past ruler of your pathetic backwards planet.  Again I have lowered myself to providing you insignificant beings with some news concerning your "super heroes", although your time would be better spent learning how to communicate with frogs.  Trust me, it will be of great importance in what you call your near future.

07/30/01: Today marked the fourth anniversary of what is commonly known among everyone outside of Great Britain as The London Massacre.  For those of you who have recently exited your bomb shelters and no nothing of recent events, the being known as The Unicorn led a varied group of powerful beings on a mission to destroy London and to kill Lionheart.  The resulting battle between Lionheart and High Justice and these beings leveled roughly a quarter of the city, destroying numerous monuments, business and residential areas.  For those of you with too much money and wish to put it to some altruistic use the Lionheart Foundation still accepts donations to help in the rebuilding of London and the aid of the victims of the tragedy.  The site is:

www.Lionsden.uk.org

ROAD TRIP FROM HELL: It seems the rumors are true for once.  Both the legendary Retaliator and Payback have been spotted together destroying a drug lab in Dallas.  This corroborates the sightings of the pair that have been reported in Los Angeles, San Francisco and Las Vegas.  Rumors have also linked the infamous sniper Damocles to this pair.  As Damocles and Payback have often worked together in the past this rumor is likely to be true.

MOTOR CITY MAYHEM: For those "super villains" who wisely view my site, beware!  Motor City has new defenders.  No, I am not talking about 5th Power (waves eyestalks in frustration), I am talking about an entirely new group.  My astro-viewer is distorted by interference from the ninth dimension so I have very little information on this group at this time.   Data has been transmitted from other sources suggesting that Dr. Kinkaid-also known as Special K, Doctor K, Princess Premenstral and The Littlest Ass Kicker is somehow involved, suggesting that this is a new Maximum Justice.  More news will follow once I clean my screen of mucus.

SHOW ME THE MONEY!: It is confirmed; Prowess has signed a multi-million dollar deal to endorse Nike products.  When asked why the hero had finally caved in and accepted a major endorsement his reply was, "They drove a garbage truck full of money up to my front door and dumped it all over my porch."  When asked if he used Nike products in normal life he replied, "I do now."   At least I give him credit for being honest.

THE LUNATIC IS RUNNING THE ASYLUM: In another piece of  news-and I use that word in the most general sense here-the super...being known as M.A.D. Man has once again turned to crime...sort of.  He was reported in Phoenix AZ stealing the getaway car of the Felonious Five, a team he has had a long and colorful history with over the past five years.   Reports state he has once again grown his goatee, which symbolized the return of the "evil" M.A.D. Man.  Ninth dimensional beings help us all.
 

That is all for today.  Tune your primitive computing device here next week and I shall have more information regarding your pathetic corner of the multiverse.