Hello Tom,
I appreciate your PM to me, and
the reasons why you feel the way you do. If I may, I would like to
explain a bit about the game and why I ask people to do certain things
within it.
The Exeter game had begun to fall
into dissaray as no-one was willing to step up and take the CO's
position when April (the former CO) announced she was having to leave,
eventualy I did. The game has had to be virtualy built up from scratch,
as a great number of the former members were Aprils crew and decided
that a new CO should have a new crew and a number of them left leaving
me high and dry.
As with anything you wish to
succeed I took great pains to seek out who I believed to be the right
people for the newly revamped Exeter game, however, I was not nieve in
knowing that things would not be easy all the time, new members take
time to get to know one anothers writing styles and to a certain
degree, personalities as well.
As a CO/GM, this has always been
in the forefront of my mind, as I know how it goes. People are
sometimes shy, sometimes bold, mostly they don't say anything at all,
and this is where I've found it the most difficult. A number of times,
I've asked for the memberships input into how they feel the story
should go, what it is they expect of me and of the story, and please
believe me when I say that the responses to those requests have been
extremely lacking, leaving me almost solely to decide where the story
goes, as no-one else has let me know what they want.
I have in my thoughts what the
story outline could be, as no-one else has expressed where they want it
to go as I said earlier, and what is best to be in it to involve as
many of the members in that story as possible. This is the formula I've
felt has served the game best for everyone from a GM's point of view
and kept the game going.
This has been a heavy
responsibility as I not only am GM/CO of this game, but XO to another
and Chief of Security on 2 others. To answer your thoughts on this
being a script, I never ever have that in mind and I am actualy quite
hurt that you think that, I have only ever wanted to do what is best
for the story idea, and if that is to ask others in the game to write a
certain post as I hope it will help the story as no-one else has
expressed and opinion on where they want it to go, then that is what I
do, and at ALL times, I only ever 'ask', I never force anyone to write
it, I 'ask'.
If people disagree, then by all
means I wouldn't be upset if they say no, and then offer up an
alternative, but please, I ask you to stop judging me on this as all
I've ever tried to do is have everyones interests at heart in the game,
balance the story out so everyone is involved, and try to keep the
story going to the best of my ability.
I'm not going to ask you to stay
if you don't want to, however I would like to pray and hope that the
above explanation would go some way to letting you into how this game
has come about and why it is now set out the way it is. If you feel it
would help, I'm happy for you to take a LOA till you felt it would be
the right time to come back and play.
I have always tried to encourage
everyone, give praise where praise is due and be a help to those who
ask for it, so you can imagine how down I now feel with this criticism
that has now been cited at me from yourself.
I will now have to take this
situation away and have a really good think about it as it has taken me
very much by surprise and if that is how people feel, then there is no
point in me carrying on as CO/GM of the USS Exeter RPG.
Kind regards,
Drew.
Andrew,
First of all, it was not my
intention to hurt you, but to give you clear reasons why I was not
enjoying the game. As for inquiries as to the game's direction, I
honestly did not know what direction to take the game to beyond solving
the mystery. A mystery we did not seem close to solving at the
point of the question (Unless the mystery was solved during one of
those extremely long joint posts and I missed it). It did not
seem to be a pressing issue to me as there already seemed to be so many
plot points in the works that there seemed to be a wealth of options
for you to choose from. Besides, I already GM a game, I had no desire
whatsoever to do anything but play.
I am sorry that you were placed in
a difficult position when April left, but many GMs are faced with the
daunting prospect of putting a new crew together. I have faced
that problem and you have my sympathies. As for asking where the
storyline is to go, that is not what I am looking for. I am
looking for direction from above, not some interactive role
playing. Asking me to put the ship in the shuttle bay contrary to
my character's feelings, that should not even be asked. You
should be waiting to see what I do, then act. If I park the ship
in the shuttle bay then it blows up, then that is one thing. If I
have the ship parked in orbit nearby then that presents another set of
parameters. But telling me the scene ahead of time (i.e. cell
block breakout) or trying to push me in that direction, then that gives
me no sense of adventure or excitement whatsoever. It is like
reading movie spoilers. I did not offer to give direction because I do
not want to know what direction the game is going in before I get there!
A LOA won't help, Andrew.
Yes, I know I am writing under duress, I know I am upset about what I
have done to my cat, but that does not change the fact that I am not
enjoying your game and I have not really enjoyed it for some
time. It is not just your GMing style, it is the whole Nova set
up, this joint post nonsense. This whole ignorance of what is
going on elsewhere in the game until I get this huge infodump e-mail I
have to wade through. I suppose I am old fashioned and prefer
what some view as an outmoded game system where the method of
communication and means of information storage are found in different
places, but that is how I feel.
You have been supportive and you
have worked very hard, that I cannot deny. You have striven to
keep a strong line of communication open with players and to keep a
full crew. And you are a good writer. I just feel that your
GMing style is not to my taste nor are the mechanics the game.
Tom
Hello Tom,
I prefer to be called Drew. I'm
sorry you still feel the way you do, but even under duress (and I
really am sorry about the situation with your cat and wish it a speedy
recovery), I will not be criticised by you in the manner you are
putting me through. You're correct, I have been nothing but supportive
to everyone in the game, and the only person to criticise me is you,
and for that, I am upset. I believe that anyone who criticises 'does'
start out to intentionaly hurt the person they're doing it to, so yes,
I believe it is your intention to hurt me, and you've succeeded. I had
such high hopes for the 2 of us working together in the game and had
intended at the begining of the next mission to communicate with you
about it, but I guess that idea has now gone.
Drew.
Drew,
First of all, I am still part of
the Exeter web site. I had assumed you would remove me as I did
not see any means by which I can remove myself. If there is some
means by which I am supposed to do so at my end please let me know.
Now, since you sent me your
message twice this morning by two different means I will assume it was
of the utmost importance to you that I receive it. Very well, I
shall respond. And please bear in mind that as one unaccustomed
to writing lengthy e-mails I do this not because I am looking for a way
to pour metaphorical salt in your wounds, but because I do care about
you. You may not care that I care, you may not believe that I
care, but I hope that you will at least read most of this e-mail to
better understand me. And if you choose not to read the e-mail
beyond this point at least for me it was an enjoyable exercise.
Was it my intent to hurt
you? To wound you? To make you feel bad? Maybe.
I will not sit here and claim all my motives are clear cut and
pure. But your last IM to me in regards to what you wished for my
character to do brought everything that frustrated me about your game
into focus. You were essentially handing me a script to follow,
and perhaps it was optional but it did not feel that way to me.
You, the GM, the guy running the game, was expressing a desire.
It was akin to your boss couching an order in the form of a polite
request, of a WWI lieutenant asking for volunteers to go over the
top.
When someone leaves a game it is
for different reasons. And sometimes when they explain those
reasons they are not honest. They may lie to spare the feelings
of the GM because he was a nice guy. I do not do that,
Drew. If I have issues with a game I am honest about it.
I am more than just one of your
players, Drew. I am one of your peers. I have been running games for
over ten years now online, I was running table top games before
that. Hell, I write a blog discussing issues regarding role
playing games. How else do you become a better GM if not without
a healthy dose of criticism? The reason I had not spoken earlier
was I did not see how anything I said could improve the game.
Should I have complained about the Nova system? The joint post
format? Should I have complained about things you were not
prepared to change? No. Instead, I knuckled down and tried
to adapt to this new system. And I found it wanting. Now I
may very well be wrong. This system may be the bees knees. But
really, I don't think so. I think mailing lists and forums are
still a better system.
So there were two principle issues
with the game, one tied to the other, and neither one likely to
change. So I decided to leave.
I am going to wax nostalgic here
and I am going to get pretty self indulgent, but please bear with
me. My first PBEM was a Star Trek game, the Lionheart. It
ran from late March1999 and just squeaked into February
2001. Two
years, and sometimes it felt like patching an old, leaky boat.
But I loved the boat. Players quit, players disappeared, players
just stopped posting, and ultimately my patience ran out. But it
was a wonderful two years. And during that time I had begun
another game, a super hero game, Maximum Justice, which later became
The Vindicators (Vindicators is still going). And during all that
time, from April '99 to now, I have made mistakes. But often it
is only in retrospect that I realize I had made them. Why?
Because no one told me or tells me what I was or am doing wrong.
Or when they did I took offense, argued, and the player quit (I have
since then mended fences with Paul and he is one of my best online
friends and among the most reliable of my players.).
Let us look at the definition of
criticism. One is "a spoken or written opinion or judgment
of what is wrong or bad about somebody or something". My
criticisms were not about you but about your game. I made no
character judgments. However, I can see when one works hard at
something it is difficult for them to separate themselves from their
work. The second is "considered judgment of or discussion
about the qualities of something, especially a creative work".
Who else are you going to get an honest opinion from than your
peers? At the risk of sounding arrogant (and please, let me
indulge in my delusion here for a moment) I am like the C. S. Lewis to
your J. R. R. Tolkien!
My criticisms give you
pause. As well they should. I hope they do. They
should not, however, compel you to quit. To paraphrase B.A.
Felton from Knights of the Dinner Table, many answer the call, but few
stay. I hope you stick it out, Drew, because it is obvious the
game brings you joy.
Many Regards,
Tom
Tom,
I care little for you waxing
nostalgic, or your self indulgance. The simple matter of fact is that
you have admitted that it was 'maybe' your intention to hurt me. I can
read between the lines and see that your frustration with the NOVA
system, me, how the game has come to be run and what's happened in your
real life situation has made you angry and you've taken that anger out
on me, and that's no way that a Peer
acts, that's just you being pure evil.
You're no Peer of mine,
and I resent the fact that you even think you are. The one similarity
we have is that like you, I am a GM of 15 years standing
stretching back to 1996 with Steve Vears Star Trek game, and to 1982
for Table Top before that, so I'm not a newbie as you seem to think I
am. Actualy, it makes me laugh that you appear to believe your on such
a higher pedestal than us mere mortals, so thank you for at least
raising a smile from me that way.
However, back to the main point here. If you
can't be bothered to get in contact with me about your frustrations
with NOVA, me and whatever other excuse you care to come up with,
that's your look out. You've burnt your bridges here, and when the time
comes that I find out how to remove you and your character from the
game, I shall.
I'm through being nice
with you Tom, it's people such as yourself who put themselves above
everyone else who have made this a misery now, and if I do quit, you'll
be the one I blame because I have been nothing but a friend to you, and
this is how you treat me, like dirt!
Please don't bother
repsonding to this, as anything you attempt to send is of no interest
to me anymore and will just get deleted.
Goodbye Tom, best of
luvk with your game(s).
Kind regards,
Drew.